A young college co-ed came running in tears to her father. "Dad, you gave me some terrible financial advice!"
"I did? What did I tell you?" said the dad.
"You told me to put my money in that big bank, and now that big bank is in trouble."
"What are you talking about? That's one of the largest banks in the state," he said. "there must be some mistake."
"I don't think so," she sniffed. "They just returned one of my checks with a note saying, 'Insufficient Funds'."
An elderly widow and widower were dating for about five years. The man finally decided to ask her to marry. She immediately said "yes".
The next morning when he awoke, he couldn't remember what her answer was! "Was she happy? I think so, wait, no, she looked at me funny..."
After about an hour of trying to remember to no avail, he got on the telephone and gave her a call. Embarrassed, he admitted that he didn't remember her answer to the marriage proposal.
"Oh", she said, "I'm so glad you called. I remembered saying 'yes' to someone, but I couldn't remember who it was."
Health Professionals in Heaven
Three nurses died and went to Heaven. They were met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter, who questioned them.
"What did you used to do back on Earth?" he asked the first nurse. "Why do you think you should be allowed into Heaven?"
She told him, "I was a nurse at an inner city hospital. I worked to bring healing and peace to many sufferers, especially poor children."
"Very noble. You may enter." And he ushered her through the gates. He asked the same questions to the next nurse.
"I was a missionary nurse in the Amazon. For many years I worked with a small group of doctors and nurses to help people in numerous tribes, healing them and telling them of God's love." The second nurse replied.
"Excellent!" said St. Peter. And he ushered her through the gates as well. Finally he posed his questions to the third nurse. She hesitated, then explained, "I was just a nurse at an HMO."
St. Peter considered her answer for a moment, then told her, "Well, you can enter, too."
"Wow!" the nurse exclaimed in relief. "I almost thought you weren't going to let me in."
"Oh, you can certainly come in," St. Peter told her, "but you can only stay for three days."
Cassie was taking two of her grandsons on their very first train ride, from Dayton, Ohio, to Washington, DC.
A vendor came down the corridor selling Pop Rocks, something neither had ever seen before. Cassie bought each grandson a bag.
The first one eagerly tore open the bag and popped one into his mouth just as the train went into a tunnel. When the train emerged from the tunnel, he looked across to his brother and said: "I wouldn't eat that if I were you."
"Why not?" replied the curious brother "I took one bite and went blind for half a minute."